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  • Alexandra Hillenbrand

Today I Cleared the Cups Off of My Bedside Table

Today, I cleared the cups off of my bedside table. The floor, my desk, any empty patch of space where one could place an empty mason jar had been filled, a castle of glass I had begun to build. I gingerly cradled all the cups in my arms and carried them down the stairs. They were cold against my skin, a part of me wondered if they cared where they'd been? Sitting and waiting to be put away, watching a girl who continued to delay. Everything - her mornings, her breathing, her life. Just failing to win against her internal strife.

Today, I put away all the clothes in my room. Hung the dresses that had fallen to the floor. Folded the shirts and put them in my drawer. They had been staring at me for ages, watching me tiptoe past them like they were dangerous. To me, maybe they were. Another task which I only wished to defer. Not for much longer could it continue, I knew, but how do I do something simple when the smiles are so few and the world is so blue.

Today, I woke up to the birds chirping and only turned over in my bed one time. I I switched to decaf instead of regular and it saved me some peace of mind. When I felt my heart race and my mind start to whir, I took my dog for a walk and I smoothed over his fur. He panted and sniffed, and I gave him a treat, the two of us escaping the unbearable heat. I wrote down some things that reminded me of being small, I dreamt about how the trees would soon look in the fall. I drank a glass of water as I worked in my room, and I took it downstairs and out of its domestic tomb.

Today, the sky seemed brighter, and the world was my friend. It had taken some time, but I was happy again.

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