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  • Alexandra Hillenbrand

new years resolutions

I, like most people, have used New Year's Resolutions to think about all that I didn't accomplish during the year. As a result, I already feel overwhelmed over everything I should probably have started doing on January 1st, that I put off until the 2nd. Like this blog, for instance. Although, on a technicality, I have posted everyday this year because I pulled off a 3 a.m. post on New Year's Day. God bless.

So yes, I have four open books piled next to me on my bed. As if multi-tasking and rushing through my goals will somehow create any form of satisfaction at the end. Haste makes waste! - a lesson I have never quite learned that all third graders have mastered - - especially for myself. When I don't thoughtfully and patiently tackle my goals, I burn out quickly having no choice but to roll over and watch Tik Toks instead.

I think one thing I need to leave behind in 2023 is my 'all or nothing' mindset. Some examples for your reading pleasure: An unanswered text doesn't correlate to secret detestation, a weird look doesn't mean you look awful, one failure does not equal the destruction of your dreams, and one loss doesn't mean you will be forever alone. Maybe other people struggle with this, maybe this is just some undiagnosed mental illness of mine. In reality, I know it is incredibly common to not give ourselves grace. Most of us are not great at utilizing rationality to ground ourselves. Why would we when it's so much more fun to live in delusion?

I want 2024 to be a year of genuine peace more than I can articulate. The reality is that it won't be. Struggle is imminent. So is failure. Loneliness too. It doesn't mean peace won't exist. It will be there, in the intangible moments. Laughing with your friends at a dinner table over dirty martinis, being the first person to tell your parents a joke when they come home from work, laying on the couch with your dog's head resting on your ankle. Life is great and it becomes even greater in spite of the terse moments. It will never be easy to be a person, but it doesn't have to be impossible. My New Year's resolution is to put my oxygen mask on first, to hold space for the good, and to grow everyday.


Happy Holidays!

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