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  • Alexandra Hillenbrand

bad poetry

I have a propensity for being dramatic. Yesterday's blog post serves as a good example of this tendency. The reality is, I haven't been this happy in a long time. I've been feeling like my true self again - giddy, talking myself in circles, and hopeful. The only caveat, this "untethered" version of me has a flair for idealizing her emotions and writing them down. I can't help it that I'm Taylor Swift coded.

Middle school me was entirely guilty of this. Earlier this summer, I came across an old notebook of mine filled with self-indulgent poems about love, friendship, and sadness. I cackled and cringed when I first read what middle school me considered "deep." She was also a huge fan of severe indentation, pretentiously embarrassing descriptions of emotion, and cliches.

It wouldn't be fair to tell you about these poems without sharing them. Be warned, they are enough to make me, who loves sappy writing wince. Although I wouldn't call these 'profound' by any means. I should be prosecuted for the amount of times I cycled through the word "love", "heart", or "dream".

Somehow, it's a positive thing that I am able to write very dreary posts. It's a great tool for me to deal with the past and process things that are hard to think about. If I were actually in a dark place, I wouldn't touch sad topics with a ten foot pole. I'd be too afraid for people to notice that darkness. The funny thing is, now that I am in a better mental place, I don't worry about coming across as cheerful. Thus, leaning into the hard emotions and then, perhaps, appearing desolate. The happier I am, the more I can feel my sadness.

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