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  • Alexandra Hillenbrand

A Lack of Common Sense

I have heard my friends and family utter the phrase "that would happen to you" more times than I could probably even count. While it would be far easier for me to pretend that the Universe has some incredibly sick and twisted agenda against me, it's part of my journey into adulthood and self awareness to admit that most of these events are caused by my own lack of common sense. And maybe, sometimes the Universe plays a little hand in it because they know it's pretty entertaining for everyone else around me. After all, I'm always happy to have an awful experience if I can turn it into a funny story. It's all just for the bit, even if it isn't meant to be.

I'm reflecting on this because I had an experience yesterday that seriously felt serendipitous for the creation my own personal hell. Ever since I moved home from college, I have been on a journey to reorganize and Marie Kondo the shit out of my room. That means parting ways with copious amounts of going out tops, formal dresses, and anything that I bought during my quirky butterfly, glitter girl phase during Junior Year. Yesterday, I even built a new storage shelving system and a desk. I was feeling pretty good about myself and honestly maybe even felt like an adult. And, I only got overstimulated once! When I did, I decided to go to the track for a simple little Hot Girl Walk/Jog.

My sister, Ryann, and I were there for TWENTY minutes stretching and meandering, loudly, I might add. I kid you not, the minute we actually started running our first laps, the three men that had been aware of our stretching came to consciousness and decided to tell us that the track was closed. TWENTY MINUTES FROM WHEN WE FIRST GOT THERE AND THEY REALIZED WE WERE GOING TO USE THE TRACK. It was one of those moments of instant humility. I had to pretend that one, I was not struggling for breath, and two, that this news was somehow disappointing to me. Like, oh darn, I was really looking forward to the next 30 minutes of me half-assing this walk, while sprinkling in a bit of meager jog. Guess I was going to go back home and watch another episode of Schitt's Creek. Pity :/

So, I came back home, my moment of overstimulation killed by the three men who ruined my attempt at a workout. Back to my room I went to finish folding, cleaning, and crying. Halfway through these motions, I was very aware of a sudden urge I had to go to Home Goods. I wanted a new mattress topper, needed new soap, and also if I happened to find anything cute for my desk (that was still unassembled) it couldn't hurt. But, I was also on a budget. Again, I'm unemployed. What I needed was inexpensive, and that was my only requirement. As I browsed the bedding section, I saw a mattress pad with "cooling" technology. $15, and the perfect solution to my night sweating, what a steal! I bought lavender soap, skipped the desk accessory section, and drove my ass home.

When I finally finished my desk I called Ryann in to see it. I also wanted her to see my newly folded drawers. Basically, all of the labor of my love, and tears. She walked in, arms crossed, and nodded her head, "Good work". That was about as enthusiastic as a reaction I was ever going to get for her. She sauntered over to the mattress pad that was still in the case.

"Oh yeah, I went to Home Goods and got a new mattress pad," I explained.

"Hmm," she gave me a look, "Did you get the right size?"

Did I get the right size? HAH! Of course I did. Didn't I? What kind of an idiot doesn't check the size of a bedding item and just buys it based off of the price? I know what kind - this kind! I dove in front of the pad and put my hands out in front of me, "Don't look, I can't bear it". Her 5'11" self easily pushed 5'4" me out of the way. She examined the label. I sat on my floor with bated breath.

"Yup. You got a twin size. Idiot".

I let out a guttural scream. It was incredibly dramatic, I'll admit it. But how painful is it to realize that you lack any form of common sense. Here, I am attempting to get my life together and something as simple as purchasing a bedding item seemed to present itself as an impossible task.

I guess the moral of my story is that I am always going to make a dumb choice, even if I have the best intentions. Returning to the same Home Goods a day later to exchange my purchase for the correct size was incredibly humbling. Especially when the cashier seemed to recognize me as being the only person below the age of 30 that had ever stepped foot in that specific store alone. But, I survived it, as I survive most things that come as a result of my common senseless self. And you know what, my actual new mattress pad is incredibly comfortable and cooling, thank you! And it was also $15!

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